Coming soon

@Amanda thank you for always pushing me to think better about spiritual and material debts for my economics of karma development. And of course just affirming my taurus ♉️ ain’t just hedonism. Following stories to come after finishing the Autostraddle piece on queerly kneeling and IKAM with @Maria José

◦ Noodle propitiation

◦ Potato chips repentance//temple training of stuff you singularly with your greedily loved food endlessly to train you out of attachment (is capitalism is a punishment?)

◦ Coffee salt reparations

◦ No titty apologies

◦ Two scarf returns

◦ Pie 🥧 for Handkerchief

On another note, thinking a lot of writing stuff with @Crop Top on anti chinese nationalism of the 4 tiger 🐯 economy and how thats colonizing af to think y’all retain real chinese culture while denying chinese blood 🩸. Same and especially based off Japanese 🇯🇵 imperialism model and western supremacy is not unlocked. 👀 Ing at Hong Kong and middle upper class Taiwan fakas


In Northern school we learn through the sastras, the incredible words, and in Tang Dynasty Mahāprajñāpāramitā Sutra was translated by Great Venerable XuanZhang. This sutra is attributed to Nāgārjuna, who went to the depths of the sea and learned the protected 🔐 teachings in 🐉 lairs. Low 🔑 love how he got to such mastery through his restraint of Hoedom. His Holodex bigger than mine and mine is, according to Yao, bigger than 三國演義 😂。 I’m so excited to learn it and memorize. This shortened heart ♥️ of this sutra has delivered countless travelers including me from terror. To Jess, chanting this has been one of the ways I steadied myself amidst similar questions.

and I love how the sculpt imaging of transcendent perfection wisdom was sculpted in what we now call China first and as a mother.

decolonize + reindigenize + enhance malas

Malas gifts from monk shifus who receive these from the ten directions

Sending these over ocean 🌊 liner to friends in this darkening winter season. I would like to incorporate more attention into learning the materials and woods and seeds and such precious stones. I desire knowing where they come from and were they taken from mama earth in good ceremony and were these crafted in good ways, for all the few simple materials monks are permitted. perhaps my bowl can be a commission with local indigenous potters?

temple erotic

it’s a thing! this kind of kink is painful playful stories to chronicle. 2 temples, too many stories. power dynamics, seniority, subversive and sublimated sexuality, repressive traditions and religiosity, intimacy hidden and overt.

thanks to my dear friend in barcelona, i’ll be writing and pitching these tales to an exciting new mag. love you maria josé ❤ always inspiring me to flip out the holodex and stay slutty with words.

on another hand, it’s not been fun getting hit and then having seniors deny all wrongdoing…been casting off the box of “Taiwanese” an attachment I’d never loosen without this environment and challenges. I had a love and romance with the notion of Taiwan from amazing spiritual relationships in tennis and Buddhism. But this year and specifically this temple with it’s intense all Hokkien words, elders, and very pro-Taidu stance have made me seriously step into a dissonant realm of relating to Taiwanese’ness. going to go off to the eastern shore and sit with all that’s happened the last few months and try to make sense and recalibrate forward.

Interlude: temple memories and new diaries

Notes from last convos with friends in this time of departure into retreats for the next years. Will see about updates when I get my phone to speak with my sister in Kenya occasionally:

Dear friend🙏🏼,

I’ve been told by many monastics that my activism will have to take a backseat for a long while…and that my friendships and social engagement aren’t compatible with this monastic life…it hasn’t been done before but I hope to remain deeply engaged even if not often in conversation but in a new deep feminine communication with friends…like this isn’t the era of the lonely male sage anymore, but the era of shared wisdom in feminine channels.

Please pray for courage, wisdom, steadfast vision and feminine honoring androgynous Buddhism to stay and grow through me and writing🙏🏼

I guess what I’m feeling is that a real truth or principle is accessible but has depth. You amount you get out of it at a given time is the amount you’re ready for…

integration + initiation

reflecting on education these days. a friend called out this monastery for being the University of Phoenix with its recorded lecture style of dumb unintentional learning. really, it’s the patriarchy’s clever handhold on the teacher position, delaying local women teachers from stepping up, and using digital means to fortify the male dominated strata.

what is the place of traditions that have decimated the gatekeeping roles of queer beings with regards to holistic health and the urgent needs of the world now? feeling this question deeply as my body reacts against the meaningless upholding this older initiation system…found the following from a day of falling down the rabbit hole:

The principle danger to this reunification, which is happening in many places, not just the lands of the Hopi, this danger is that we will go into the future seeking to reanimate the past, whether it is by occupying ourselves with an older initiation system, or in believing that we can heal the illnesses of the natural world, and of our communities, by going back to nature, or by holding on to tradition.

Everything dies. The future is always born out of processes of destruction. The dark age is necessary before there can be attempts to found an age of light. The rejoining of the pattern of integration and the pattern of initiation is meant to produce something new.

Knowledge of the ethereal realm, or to put it another way, etheric consciousness, will change the way we see our interrelationship to the world of Nature and the Cosmos.

For example, the Hopi tradition, along with many other traditions, has tended to see history and evolution as cyclical, as containing patterns which constantly repeat. The reality is, however, that these processes are spiral in nature. Yes, there is a circle like process of return, but that return is intended always to occur at a higher stage of development.

In a concrete sense this means that what is crucial to maintain out of the pattern of integration, is not a specific way of simple living, and a specific system of ceremonial life. But rather, that the life of a community integrated with the surrounding world is most healthy when it is simple and when it is filled with ritual. These “qualities” of the Circle are then most supportive of inner growth.

Likewise, inner growth is sterile if it is not productive in the world. If all that inner growth does is separate us one from the other, or from the world of nature as if that was no concern of ours, then this inner growth is limited. The ”qualities” of the Cross are only fruitful if they engender sacrifice directed at the redemption of the social and natural worlds.

Thus, the reunification of the Cross and the Circle is not a return to a prior condition, but rather a gateway to a future possibility. It is not what the Elder and Younger Brothers were once upon a time, but what it is that they can be together in the present and beyond. At least for some time to come, each day is potentially a day of purification.