yellow citizen

imperial purgatory

well well, this legalistic deathliness reaches another milestone. i remain seeking citizenship in my own ancestral land that remains under a flaccid Chinese colonial rule. still, this is strengthening, this small, hagridden and expensive work to correct the betrayals from colonial violence that forced my father to flee and patriarchal violence that chased my mother even into the west.

staying alive thanks to daring connections with the queerest and bravest dynamos…living, connecting are all in restructuring as my basic legal rights stay stripped away and i exist outside the comforts of the integration for tourists and citizens.

I will keep all lines of the wind open

And place all my days free and empty

And reenvision what it means to be unencumbered

Or bereft

Not crying but the expanse of numbers

That go beyond the grave to what is left

behaving (what I was taught to perceive as) badly on the borders…shifting understandings of surviving and thriving. staying curious in obscenities–thrumming agony that releases into blooming pleasure…

as of late, certain connections ring full of deep deep inquiries…an intensity to go thru and go deep into what lays underneath us…seeking pleasure hidden for far too long…these adventures…2am postcoital 啤酒🍻 full of delicious summer heat and liquid cool…soothing delight as it goes until it goes…

grateful to celebrate kindness and queerness that enlivens my dark heart so often in-tension with forced enclosures…lifted to a world away in a dream or haze.

It was true without a set of things like letters

It was true the air was free and open

And I saw things as they were

Without violence

For the first time

MILK, Dorothea Lasky

han dan ye 寒單爺

photo credit: Dan Paiero

a day when a dude gets abuse heaped on him and praised for his spiritual surrender.

what land, women, girls and tender ones survive daily with less revelers, firecrackers and music.

yet the aunties say, “oh no, han dan ye is never a girl, they could never be so brave!”

¡¡Katb Kitaab dearest dearest Noor + Mohammed!!

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Dearest Noor Wadi,

Masha’Allah!! My beautiful, brilliant, poet friend with the persevering xin-heart.  What glory of that you are from the ground of Palestine, the spirit of those holy waters that dance in the ancient ways of water and walking!  This is a beautiful day and I have been unable to stop my auntie-sister giggling any time I think of how far y’all have come to be so courageous in this loving union.  Remembering those hot pot/bubble tea talks and in n’ out runs in ATX and Plano ❤

As you continue to journey with your husband in God, growing together in faith and wisdom with your deep faith and love, I pray Creator stays in the center, the core, the xin of y’all’s couple and community walk.  I pray that spirit protects your waters, belonging to the endless supply that sprung the Zam Zam well.  I pray you two grow in the spirit of deepest intimacy, the language that must never be lost. As y’all both descend from the cradle of civilization, nourish the infants, quell the tantrums of the yts, sip the tea and stay fresh-clean-beautiful in that Palestinian-Somalian xin flow.  I pray the gifts y’all are to bring into this world together are (deep) well watered, that spirits of Somalia and Palestine dances ever closer to liberation in this union.  And after the prayers for sacred water and earth, I pray that the fire y’all feed in each other, the vitality and life force, this power entrusted in goodness, that y’all will ever stay warm and reverent to the Holy.  I pray for all creations that come forth from this union are so protected and adored, filled with the tenderness, strength, humor and brilliance I so admire in you.

Thank you for your generosity, integrity, responsibility, humor and strength, the foundation for so much flourishing in that way that moves wily like water throughout time/space/imagination of Creator’s sparkling sight.

Happy Katb Kitaab dearest Noor + Mohammed!  It is so much joy to see this step in y’all’s relationships, this sacred light coming to light ❤

Maktoob, for real.  Taiwan tea salud to y’all in Texas!  ❤

~yi ling

2.28 + White Terror || 黃昏的故鄉, sing for our homeland at sunset

for 50 years, it was seditious to sing our song.

for 500 years, Taiwan has suffered colonization from the Dutch, Spanish, Portugese, Ming, Japanese, Chinese.

until 2011, Taiwan suffered the longest period of martial law in modern history.

(my) grandfather, (my) fathers, (my) families lost to incarceration culture.  (my) grandmothers, (my) mothers, (my) families lost to rape culture.  our soul, our spirits still struggling to be free of these toxic cultures that stole our strength, entire generations lost in brain drain diaspora.

It seems only our artists remember our collective responsibility to this pain.

What is the prayer in the xin in pain?

a carol centering ease-indigenity-queerness

aroma of meal and dinner with a dear friend full of wisdom, compassion, humor:

life is many sense-flavors-movements including bitter. one of the strongest balancing reminders.  our medicine is strong and close to land.

wanna heal?

wel-come in prayer.

re-lax in re-turn-ing. all’s miraculous.  just watch your xin 🙂

恭喜發財!happy lunar new year! 夢月光下~

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howl at the moon

climb these mountains

sing in the lovers language

to na-noon

happy lunar new year of the dog! grin, stay wild and loyal to what feeds you well.  run along and never chase because the dogs and cats are the real 土地公s ❤

2.6.2018 花蓮地震: hualien earthquake

on these strangely cold days in taiwan, the neighbors come to this little oceanside cafe run by a brother (a veteran of the republic of china air force)  and sister (a veteran of commerce in the city) to talk of freezing taipei and the other places they travel from.  it’s getting closer and closer to lunar new year and people are trying to get their travels in before the end.  i’ve come to this little village between two places stricken by the ills of airbnb led commercialization.  daily, i wake in a pod of remade cement tubes, hearing waves caressing the stones of the seashore.  my fang tooth aches in the chill, the clouds drift slowly, the smoke of the iron pot burning salt drenched driftwood curls in the sweet, sharp way as green island fades in and out of foggy view.

…r.i.p. studio ghibli film living.  tell me something, if you heard of an aquarius with four cats running an empty cafe, filled with thwarted dreams and depression, grousing at any customer who ventures in…doesn’t that sound like a grandma lesbian? 

right?

alas, alas!  an anti-queer cis-dude strikes again and upends a beautiful country dream. anti-queer sentiments stay strong with confucian patriarchy in east Taiwan.

anyways, the coffee tastes better with the smell of the sea, na-Noon, beautifully blue.

2 years ago, same date, an earthquake struck Tainan, almost the same magnitude, killing many with shoddy construction.  thankfully, with the improved safety measures and hualien’s architecture built to expect tremors, this earthquake seems to have yielded less deaths. my aunt in hualien, who’s ok, says they’re continuing to feel 餘震 aftershocks.

as a monk once advised me, this world is a reflection of our collective xin.  it’s splitting all the time in Taiwan.  and looks like the economic landscape is just as volatile, according to Carl Icahn.

prayers for creative 團圓 amidst tragedy. even with few human deaths, what’s lost, the weight of what we’ve built poorly, the harmony of homes…right as everyone gathers for the lunar new year…spirits be strong, sing the songs of sweet gatherings.