Goodbye Houston

by 伊凌 yi ling

I feel grateful as the devils who roar in hell and the angels in worship. 

How grateful…that the toxins and heat poured through me, the months and years I spent in the death of ego, body and spirit given to capitalism. Pure capitalism, no chaser. That, when I get real, is the frontier that pulled me. Lust and care, a heady combination.

Here an orphan is never alone in her death, for mother is ever being destroyed.

Sentient beings can’t drink oil.

here oil taints all. Love even. Lust totally.

Chromium traces in water.

Chase Bank owning all the land

And here I got to wail

What are your truest desires? What do you long for? Esperanza invites me to trust my xin-heart-mind-body.

Karankawa land, here I wretch, wail, cry and crawl.

Houston fed me with all the poison needed. Neglect in slow violence, heat, corporate terror.

And along the way, some of the most amazing friends and sisters. And learned to discern the fire that burned on blood versus oil, compassion vs greed.

Sometimes, when you break, the only way to go on is to shatter completely into dust. My heart, my family had been breaking by the time we arrived. Beleaguered, we just wanted to breathe. Here, we completely the death and dissolution. The final dive.

I always had a sense and mantra since I was 3 feet tall that I would die by 27. 

This place, this amerikan capital kills me, kills family and friends.

Thanks for this 4 year long death meditation. 

Well, lo que más Houston.